jonathan pearlman

jonathan pearlman

FINE ART Photography


George Brandis vows not to read documents ASIO seized......

Photo by Andrew Meares


Secret Memo: To all XXXX operatives


From: Xxxxxx Xxxxxxx


Subject: Xxxx xx x xxxxxxxxx xxxxx, xxxxxx xx xxx


As many of you are aware, this government is contesting a legal challenge in The Hague Court of Documents brought about by the Prime Minister of Xxxx Xxxxx, a tiny island nation located somewhere near Bali, or The Philippines, or both. 


At issue is the confiscation of documents from the law offices of Xxxxxxx, Xxxxxxxx and Xxxxxxx of Sydney, who were employed by the Prime Minister of the the tiny island nation of Xxxx Xxxx with a view to embarrass and disgrace present and former government minsters who are still alive or dead, or both.


As you all know these documents pose a substantial threat to our security and accordingly a decision was made by me to secure them by trickery and deceit, and, once secured, to place them in a sealed envelope, which was then placed inside a lead lined coffin which, in turn, was placed inside a large wooden crate which was sealed by way of heavy duty chains and 17 padlocks. The crate was then transported to a secret location in the Xxxxxx Desert, near Adelaide, or Perth where it was to be buried at a depth of 15 nautical miles and in a downward trajectory until we hit rock where a slight horizontal detour was to be affected.


Unfortunately, at some point during the afore-mentioned operation, the envelope escaped and we have not been able to ascertain as to its whereabouts.


I wish to inform you that I have today, via iphone 'facetime' given an assurance to the Hague Court of Documents that none of my operatives, nor my cabinet colleagues or indeed myself, have read any of the documents in question. I have also given an undertaking that should the sealed envelope find its way back into my filing cabinet I will not, under any circumstances, open the envelope and, further, should I find the envelope has come unstuck and is no longer sealed, will not withdraw the contents of the envelope and attempt to read any, or all, of the documents even though I would really like to.


I hardly need to remind you that should these documents come to light and be read by someone other than, say, me, our country's immediate safety, and that of its population (including Labor supporters) will be in very grave danger. I cannot emphasise, enough, the peril our once great nation faces whilst the documents remain at large, even though I have never read them and have absolutely no idea what they actually have to say. Suffice it to say, you are all to remain vigilant and to ensure that the envelope, wherever it is, does not fall into the wrong hands.


The wrong hands being the Prime Minster of the tiny island state of Xxxxx xxxx or Labor supporters. Or both. 



A strange week, dear listener. 

Two massive tomes arrived - I picture them here for your viewing pleasure.

I downloaded an essential weather app for my iphone

We (Birdseye people) received a commission to shoot one of Brisbane's oldest buildings.

I also loaded the most wonderfully small 1936 Zeiss Ikonta with my favourite film and have snapped away, deliriously, 15 frames of all manner of subjects in and around Marcoola beach.

All these things I received are as a result of my desires; I only really need one on this list. The remainder are what my dreams are made of.

The unfortunately named Willy Weather (is it just me?) is a most incredible little app; since we are so reliant on weather conditions, especially of the changeable type, it seems only fitting that we count Willy Weather amongst our most treasured possessions. Rather like carrying a barometer in your back pocket, Willy alerts us to pending weather waiting around the corner: wind speed, rain radar on a real satellite map, dew-points, extreme alerts etc etc. We've tried so many weather apps, but this is by far the most comprehensive one so far.

How did we live without it?

Which brings me to the two books: Robert Frank's 'The Americans' is considered one of the most influential book of images ever published. Frank travelled some 10,000 miles through the USA during the mid-1950's, ostensibly to capture the 'real' America. Excoriated by critics when the book first appeared in 1958, it is now regarded as a classic piece of art, one which has excited and inspired generations of photographers. The edition you see above is a publication of the Museum of Modern Art, NY and was produced to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the first published volume of 'The Americans.' The book not only contains all of the original plates but provides the reader with unpublished photographs, contact sheets, notes and maps associated with Frank's sojourn.

'Impressed by Light' - another publication from the Museum of Modern Art - is a treasure trove of early British photography: or, the 'Calotype' process. The Calotype was a British invention dating back to the mid 1840s and competed against the, then, widely used French process known as 'Daguerrotype.' Stepping back into mid-Victorian Britain by way of photographs is a most bizarre journey; the audacity of the art of photographers, the stars of the book, is truly wondrous and awe-inspiring.

Which brings me to the historic building shoot: we attend to the shoot this Sunday. It will all be exterior by digital camera and my desire now is to return, with permission, and conduct an interior shoot with three antique bellows cameras and attempt to emulate the work of those photographers who appear in the above-mentioned book.

So happy my desires outweigh my needs.





Hullo. Allow me to introduce myself
My name is Cory and I am a Federal politician from Adelaide and I am a conservative. As you can see from this picture, I am reading a book. This is not any old book; neither is it a book written by liberal do-gooders or left-wing terrorists or islamist muslims. In fact, it is my book that I have just had published and contains lots of thoughts I have which are all conservative thoughts.
Most of my thoughts are about things that the political left would rather I didn't think about.  For example: in my book I write about a thought I once had in which I thought through something that made perfect sense. As a matter of fact it was pure common sense. Common sense is a corner-stone of conservative thinking which is why the political left hate conservatives such as myself.
In England, the conservative government of the day invented the 'House of Commons' where only common sense was allowed. An architect, Sir Wren, designed the 'Houses of Parliament' to go with the 'Commons.' This is why the political left hate people such as myself. I am so passionate about common sense I have created a movement which I urge you to donate large amounts of cash. It is called the Campaign for Common Sense and its purpose is to propagate the use of common sense and to promote healthy life-styles based around the ideals of common sense in a conservative world. The more you donate the more the political left will hate me (and you).
My aim in life is to defend all those important things that made our great nation of ours so great: normal families that don't have any homosexuals or communists, economic freedom from world-wide jewry and traditional values that the lefties want to dismantle and replace with a communistic state that uses brainwashing as a tool for recruiting new members and promoting fornication and abortions. Common sense and banning fluoride from our water supplies will ultimately defeat the political left. That's why they hate me so much.
Common sense made me what I am today and it is also is why I am the founder and chairman of the Conservative Leadership Foundation. The CLF is non-secular and not politically aligned; however, to join us it is advisable that you are over 18, a conservative, despise the political left and generally dislike non-whites no matter what their colour, creed or religion. 
One last point to consider: if God had intended us to fornicate he would have made us fornicators. I am not a fornicator and neither is my good friend Dr Wim Wenders from the 'Aryan Truncheon' movement of Holland. I mention this because Wim and I share many common sense ideas: interracial-marriage should be outlawed for non-whites and non-christians; jewish people should be allowed only $50 cash on their person at any one time and single parents should be chemically castrated at birth (theirs, not their children. Although come to think about it that would be a great idea).
Wim and I also share a passion for healthy living through physical exercise and clean thoughts.   Here is a photograph of me with a six pack and a healthy posture that all christians should aspire to. Notice, also, that I am facing the right.  
All good people (no matter what the shade of white they are) should be facing the right - it's the common sense thing to do!
Thank you and good night.






Steve Coogan joins a cast of thousands who have brought much-loved British TV comedy to the big screen and failed miserably: On The Buses - Dads Army - The Likely Lads - Steptoe & Son - Porridge - awful muck, to name just a few....and the list goes unmercifully on and on.

'Alpha Papa' is a bland comedy made for the 21st Century, but steeped in the usual bland collection of faux pas, double entendres, mirth and titillation that once bore down us through the telly and eventually onto the big screen in the 20th. The film creaks and groans as it meanders down the memory lane of the 'Carry On' films and all that sailed before and after at Pinewood. 

Here is Hattie Jacques as the Acting Deputy Police Commissioner; Bernard Breslaw as the tough detective; Sid James as the tough Swattie; Kenneth Williams as Alan Partridge, our unlikely hero:

What utter rubbish!


I'm a fool for vintage cameras. But my small(ish) collection has grown slowly over the years due to a condition known as money.  So it was fortuitous for me that I celebrated a milestone in birth years recently and was handed a carte blanche by my better half with permission to go slightly bonkers online.

Which I did.

The five cameras you see above are the result of serious research and frenzied auction activity over a two month period and which culminated in a grand opening (as a result of a grand wrapping) a few days ago.

Unfortunately, the photo belies both my acumen as a professional photographer and the hard work spent in restoration. Interestingly, and as an aside (albeit one of great importance), all the cameras you see here are of the folding (or bellows) type. Their combined timeline spans just three decades of the twentieth century and they represent a fascinating history of the camera.

Allow me to elucidate (from left to right):

THE CONLEY was produced in Rochester, NY around the beginning of the twentieth century. This particular model dates from 1909 with an unknown provenance. The case is seal leather (ouch!), the bellows leather, the base floor Indian Mahogany and the lens surrounds nickel plate. I have all six original plate holders which are double sided and the obscured glass (which is used to correctly frame and focus prior to exposing the plate) is perfectly intact. The camera is now fully restored: the wood cleaned and polished, the glass cleaned, the leather dubbined and the shutter still works perfectly. In due course I will purchase sheet negatives for the plate holders and fire off this 106 year old beauty.

THE KODAK AUTOGRAPH No 3, SERIES H also produced in Rochester but by Eastman Kodak. This model dates from around 1910-12. Seal skin (yikes again) leather casing, leather bellows and brass fittings. Six hours of massaging with 'Autosol' uncovered a most stunning lens fitting, the likes of which I have never seen before. The camera can be modified (with some degree of difficulty) to take 120 film (medium format) but I'm in no hurry: this gorgeous addition can sit proudly as a showpiece, not a workhorse. Provenance is unknown.

KODAK VEST was mass produced in the first decade of the twentieth century until around 1924. This particular model dates from 1910 and is almost certainly of the type that was widely used by soldiers on the battlefields of France and Belgium in the Great War. I would love to think I own a piece of that history, but alas and alack I have no way of knowing. Bellows are leather and the camera is encased in a metal body. With some modification to the film, the camera might accept 35mm for pinhole type lomography.

ZEISS IKON 'IKONTA' OR IKON 512 dates from around 1938 and was manufactured in Germany. Accurately dating and identifying the different Ikon models is a maddening experience: the factory in Dresden (destroyed in 1940 by Allied bombing) pushed out over 100 models in one year alone. Provenance is unknown, but I guess that it is an export model given that i bought it from the USA. The camera has leather bellows, a Novar/Compur shutter with Zeiss lens all encased in a hard leather case that folds down to the size of large box of matches! Excitingly, it accepts 120 film. Watch this space!

THE BURLEIGH BROOKS, KNOWN AS THE BEE BEE, was manufactured by Certotrop in Germany for export around 1938. It is a stunning plate camera packed with many features: rack and pinion horizontal adjustment, removable lens, spirit level, double extension leather bellows all packed in a hard leather casing (what else?). I have all three plates to which I will add cut sheet negatives; the obscure glass is intact and clean as are the attached black curtains  which helps to block out some light (but too small for me to poke my head through).

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