jonathan pearlman

jonathan pearlman

FINE ART Photography


Dear Queensland State Government Ethics Committee,

I wish to apply for the advertised position (hahaha, geddit? ) of head ( lol...'head') of the Ethics Committee.

I believe I have the necessary credentials ( in my boxers ) as you will see from my massive CV. Please find, below, my responses to the selection criteria. I hope to hear from you very soon.


Selection Criteria:


1. Who invented ethics and why? 

Ethics was invented thousands of years ago by a committee of greek scholars. The chairman of the day was Athena Starwoman. The greeks were worried about how unpopular the politicians were in the market place, especially amongst members of the Agoraphobian society. Ethics was devised as a tool to make greek politicians appear to be the most pristine of human beings ever invented. If citizens complained how comfortable and fat politicians appeared to be during the great recession of BC 6500, they could be shown the door and the latest newsletter from the Ethics committee.


2. Name a time when you have proven yourself to be very ethical. How did you go about achieving your ethicalness?

On 15 April 2010 at approximately 3.45 pm I became aware as to how very ethical I had become. I had just bought myself a full-bodied cab-sav from my local Dan Murphy's store; I recall it was an organic French wine imported from the French wine region of Bordello using well-paid 9 year old Pakistani children to crush the grapes. My electoral allowance paid for the wine for research purposes as at the time I was investigating reports that red wine cured fungal growth on the penis if left sitting in a glass for more than 10 minutes. I reported this expenditure to the Expenditure Committee. In showing the world how progressive Queenslanders can be when it comes to penile dysfunctions, I believe myself to have acted with all due ethicalness. Also, I sent a picture of my research to a close friend just to prove my work ethic.


3. What has attracted you to this position? How do you believe you can make a difference to the State of Queensland?

This position appeals to me because I am highly principled with a very strong moral compass and have never stalked young females. Also, I look very respectful and authoritarian which you need to be an ethical person. Queenslanders will learn to trust me because I will make sure their ethics are well taken care of and I will frown at scum and low-lifes who act unethically. These people deserve to die in jail. Also, fellow Queenslanders will understand completely how ethical it is to have well-paid politicians to look after them. As that great greek ethicalist, Plagiarist, once said: "you can fool all the people most of the time and don’t forget to never give a sucker an even break."

Thank you. 


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